


Kingdom come

by badreputation



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy's California squad is real and here, FUCK NEIL HARGROVE, Hurt/Comfort, I ain't gonna lie its gonna hurt, M/M, Other, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Will update tags as the story goes, not like this fandom aint used to it :), well not yet but they will be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-12 19:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19581319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badreputation/pseuds/badreputation
Summary: The one where Billy gets a sudden epiphany, decides he wants to study for a veterinarian and make his mom's dream come true. And also the one where he finds himself, and others, along his way home.





	1. I'm tainted just like you

**Author's Note:**

> So. This came up as an idea in a way to cope with the new season because fuck it all. Also, I wrote the first chapter instead of studying for my last exam on Monday, story of my life. 
> 
> There will definitely be graphic violence in this one, seeing as it's a close view of Billy's life and Neil is a sack of literal shit. The demodogs/Mindflayer also might make an appearance to make Billy's life even worse. 
> 
> I want to make sure y'all understand that endgame is Steve/Billy even if it looks like it won't be. It will, trust me. Might add Robin at some point, still not sure, tho do tell if you'll be interested in that or nah.
> 
> Also I'm not American so I'm sorry if there are any inconsistentcies with the school timeline! 
> 
> Title of the work as always comes from a song - "Jon Bellion - Kingdom Come", while the title of the first chapter is from "Fergie - Just like you".
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

You know, when Billy first arrives here, he thinks he’ll be able to keep his head down long enough to get out of Hawkins without having either Maxine or Susan realize what type of a person Neil Hargrove is. Maybe out of spite of it all, he wants them to get a taste of his medicine, to feel the dread in their stomach drop like lead once the truth is out.

He wants them to suffer like he does every day, starting when he wakes up to disgusting mist, throughout the whole day, on the way back to that new and pristine goddamn house that doesn’t even have creaking floorboards.

Then he beats Harrington up, would have killed him if Max hadn’t tranquilized him and almost pureed his dick and balls. Then follow the consequences of him not bringing Susan’s precious little pest back until the following day when chief Hopper had driven them there.

Wonderful things.

His skin holds on to the bruises like a sick joke. He has to make coach let him wear sweatpants and hoodies. Luck is on his side, because all of a sudden, with him having taken King Steve’s place, apparently he starts a new trend amongst the entire basketball team.

Only Harrington looks at him weird, with his pretty face red and purple and green from the near fatal blows.

Now, Billy keeps his distance a mile wide when it comes to Max and her geek friends, doesn’t talk to her either, only when they’re in the house and Neil is near. She never relents, keeps drilling, actively contradicting her own words to leave her alone.

Still, Billy pulls the reins in every time, stays in control, surprising even himself with the level of pettiness, because the reason he hasn’t relented is indeed the yellow, snakelike spite.

He just lets her yap as much as she wants, drives her anywhere Neil tells him to drive her, eats whatever crap Susan makes.

Jesus, that woman.

Fine. Billy will admit one thing only – she’s not a bad person. But she is part of the reason why Billy had to move the other side of the fucking continent, away from any semblance of family he had back in Cali. She can’t cook to save her life unless it’s rice with vegetables and chicken soup.

Fucking shit, _Billy_ can cook better than that.

He grits his teeth, pulls his mouth into smiles so fake that sometimes even Max can’t keep the fact that this treatment hurts. So what? It was high time she understands what it's like to be in the hot seat.

He shares only one class with Harrington - Chemistry – and he sits on the opposite side of the room unless the teacher puts them into groups for projects. Harrington’s ex and her new boyfriend, the local creeper, aren’t an issue either. All they do is glare from a distance, acting high almighty.

Well tough luck, glaring doesn’t do shit apart from making Billy want to laugh at their naivety.

That kind of summs up his feelings for this shitty town as a whole.

Exam season passes, Christmas break comes and goes, leaving his father in a bit of a better mood. Max spends all her time with her friends so Billy has to organize his entire schedule around her. It’s not like he has shit to study for, nah, no such thing exists.

As graduation shines upon him, a few months away, his spirits rise.

At first, his idea is to pack his shit the moment he takes his diploma and never look back. Then as the high of those creeping thoughts dim, he realizes that he kind of does what to try out for college. Not because he gives a fuck for his future, but because his mom used to dream of the day he’d get accepted, sure that her baby boy was going to better places.

If she could see him now, the state of his mentality, the toxicity he adopted from his father, she’ll probably cry. Not bawl her eyes out, no. She would make that pinched expression, caught between grief and acceptation that there is nothing to be done, her eyes would fill with crystal tears and maybe one or two will fall before she makes herself look at a bright spot to shun them away.

She never used to be a loud crier, only when she was happy.

Billy swallows the tennis-sized lump in his throat, his mouth dry, jaw aching from tale-tell signs of his own impending tears.

Oh well, not like he had anybody to blame but himself for his own mistakes.

So the little time he has to himself, he brainstorms while he ignores the rest of the world.

The only universities he’ll apply to are going to be in California, no question about that. Everywhere else is just not an option.

But given the fact that he doesn’t know what he even wants to apply for and that the end of the application date it late January, he wouldn’t be able to pull this shit now. He’ll have to stay the summer in this dump, get a job to save up some very much needed money and apply in October.

The more he delves into it, the more he questions himself – his likes and dislikes, whatever passion he has left in life, not that it’s a lot.

On a crispy evening, the memory strikes him hard, kicks the air out of his lungs.

His mom gave up college for him. She even got accepted, but then came Billy to fuck her life up and she chose him, instead of a future for herself. She nailed her own coffin by tying herself and marrying Neil fucking Hargrove. All because of Billy.

And she wanted to be a vet.

A chill tickles his spine in a languid trail, like a caress that makes him focus on the present.

A vet.

He doesn’t know what the application consist of, if there is a possibiliy of additional Biology and Chemistry exams he might have to take, nor does he have a way to check except through extensive calls to the universities themselves, which would be less than a zero possibility with how his father monitors every single call to and from the house precisely because of Billy. A street phone would mean a lot of lost money and awkward back and forth that would only convince the people on the other side that he wasn’t really worth the time.

His vision blurrs for a moment, heart tightens and coils.

He gets ready to drive Max to one of her numerous meet-ups at the Wheeler’s house, halts for a second and takes out the leather messenger bag from his closet, shoves his Chemistry book in it. Max is silently waiting in the living room.

They head to the car and once he's in his seat, he grips the steering wheel, the leather creaks under the pressure.

There _is_ another option. He just doesn’t want to do it.

A long stretch, really.

He debates it during the ride, pulls his every thought apart.

With a sigh, he parks in front of the Wheelers’ house. Max does a double take when Billy reaches for the messenger bag he’d shoved his Chemistry book in with the intention of looking through it while waiting the four hours for his dearest step-sister in the car.

Change of plan. 

Billy gets out of the car, Max follows a few heartbeats later, her fair eyebrows scrunched together in a tight frown.

The last two months she’d learned that Billy will not speak to her unless his father was present, she doesn’t waste her breath now either.

She runs to the door, knocks twice, then rings the bell and Mr. Wheeler finally opens. She says something in a hurry, most likely a hello, and dashes past him as if he’s a stop sign. As Billy looks him up and down, well, the man does look exactly like a stop sign begging to be passed.

“Max’s brother, right?” he says, extends his hand despite the bitter face.

Billy chooses to play his cards right and doesn’t correct him, shakes his hand.

“Yes, sir.” he makes a deliberate pause, waits until Mr. Wheeler tilts his head a bit before he adopts a practiced face. “I don’t want to impose or anything and I am very sorry for not even asking beforehand, but would it be alright if I stayed here?”

The man blinks at him, looks at his face closely.

“I promise I’m not going to cause any trouble, I brought school books with me to study.” he reaches into his bag, pulls out the Chemistry book.

Those seem to be the magical words because Mr. Wheeler softens, sighs and opens the door wide so Billy can come in.

“You can sit near the kitchen if you want. Karen’s with her literature club friends, won’t be back until God knows when.” he mutters, waves presumably in the direction of wherever Billy is supposed to occupy and heads to the living room. “Help yourself to anything you like, she bought the kids snacks. Phone’s at the coffee table near the kitchen if you need it, just please, for the love of everything holy, don’t sit for hours on end on it to talk to your friends like some people.”

Billy barely keeps in his snicker, stares at his back with wide eyes in an attempt to reign it in. He can guess who he means by 'some people'.

“Yes, sir.”

Mr. Wheeler waves a dismissive hand, throws himself on his armchair and ups the volume of the TV to such an extent that he wouldn’t even be able to hear an alien invasion or a bomb, much less Billy talking on the phone.

Weirdo.

Whatever, it’s better like this.

Billy leaves his bag on the little coffee table at the wall and takes a deep breath. His fingers shake as he dials the number he knows by heart, having memorized it years before. His heart beats in his ribs so fast he feels lighteahed, with the sweat sticking his long-sleeved shirt to his back, the leather jacket he’s still wearing amplifying the heat.

He waits what feels an eternity and—

He receives a sleepy, royally pissed and passive-aggressive intonation of, “Hello?” the familiar cadence makes his body go lax. His lips pull in a smile so wide he can feel his cheeks dimpling.

“Hey, loser.” Billy whispers, a warmth in his voice nobody in Hawkins has ever heard and will never be a witness to. “Long time no see.”

He hears something get dropped on the ground, followed by the shaky gasp on the other line as Ellis Harper, one of Billy’s closest friends, comprehends who exactly he’s talking to.

 _“Billy.”_ another shaky breath, followed by a litany of curses. “What the fuck, you fucking little shit? How dare you ghost on us for months, you plebian bitch! We’re all sitting here, every day, wonderin’ if we’ll hear from you, if you—if that lunatic finally killed you.”

Billy swallows.

“William James fucking Hargrove, you better tell me where your sorry self is or I swear, Imma whoop your ass.”

Billy cups his palm over his mouth, facial muscles hurting from the way he can’t stop grinning. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, if Neil catches him it’s over, his plan will crumble in front of him, his father will make sure of it. He didn’t call either of his friends back home simply because he doesn’t want to involve them further.

He sobers up quickly. “You know I can’t.”

“You can and you will or I’m dragging Tatiana here to rip you a new one.”

“Ellis.”

“William.”

Billy decides to spill the beans now, while he still has the balls to follow through with the plan, “I need your help.”

A heavy tension forms.

“What did that son of a bitch do to you?” Ellis hisses out, rage on the tip of his tongue.

“It’s not dad.” Billy sighs. “Fine, it kinda is. But it’s not just that. I need to check some things but I can’t use the phone in the house, you know why.”

Ellis keeps a pensive silence and Billy hears him click his tongue. “What’cha need?” 

Billy spends half an hour quietly talking with Ellis, stealing glances in Mr. Wheeler’s direction in case the man changes his mind, but the he is so engrossed in the hockey match on the TV that Billy practically doesn’t exist.

“I can call and ask San Francisco, it’s where I’m applying. But somethin’ tells me you want it to be here, in San Diego.”

“Yeah. That’s why I called.”

“Oh, so you didn’t wanna reassure your fucking childhood friends about your status? Whether you’re alive? Nah? Not even a little bit? How ‘bout at least your ex boyfriend, I mean, I should get some dibs, right?”

Billy’s heart clenches. He knew it would get to this point, him and Ellis always had similar ways of dealing – turn the cannons on the other person and shoot venom where it hurts the most.

Ellis speaks before Billy can even think of a response. “Shit. Sorry. That was— that was outta line.”

Billy imagines him running a rough hand through his black curly hair, in a fast motion that goes up and down a few times, before his palm settles over his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve said that.”

“You do have the right.”

“Billy—”

“Accept the surrender, asshole. It’s as rare as a—”

“Blue moon.” they say simultaneously, an old bitter-sweet joke that ran among their group since they were kids.

He can hear Ellis fiddling with something, it clackes, probably on the wooden table in the Harper’s kitchen. There should be a little dent on one corner, where Billy had accidentally thrown a knife with the intention of it landing in a metal bowl in the middle of the table and instead miscalculated, had it land on the table itself. Mrs. Harper hadn’t been happy about it.

Ellis amends by continuing as if the past two minutes hadn’t occurred. “I’ll call all the universities that have veterinarian programs, make the rest of the squad help out so we can be done with the info gathering quick. I think we’ll manage in two days, Jake and Laila have to be back tomorrow.”

Billy bites his lower lip until it stings and tastes of copper, just so he could stop all the words from erupting after months of repression. “Thank you.”

“You fuckwit. I’ll always help you. _We_ will always help. You know that, right?” the last part fell more on the desperate side, a plea for confirmation that Billy hadn’t forgotten his roots, his family of choice.

As if he ever could. As if he ever _will_.

“I know. I know you will.” he murmurs in the tone he used with the Harpers' cat, a low soothing intonation that says everything he can’t verbalize.

Like, I miss you. Like, I wanna go back home. Like, I’m on the verge of losing my shit here.

Like… I love you.

But this isn’t the time. He doesn’t know where they stand on that now. He broke up with Ellis because of Neil, then a day later Neil made them pack their shit in twelve hours and move to fucking Indiana, Hawkins. Just like that.

One day they break up, the next Billy is bruised and gone and his house is for sale.

No phone call. No note. Nothing.

Nobody knew where he was.

They still don’t.

Because if he tells them, Billy knows his idiots, they’ll jump in that beat up van that Laila kept like precious gold, all six of them, and they’ll drive to this dump to take him back. Because they know Billy too - once they ask, once they give him his metaphorical ticket back home, ain’t nothing gonna stop him from not leaving.

But he has high school to finish. If he wants to be accepted in college, if he wants to make his mom proud for once, he has to graduate Hawkins’ shitty school so he doesn’t waste an entire year. 

“I’ll call you soon.” is what he utters in the end, quietly, to hide the break in his voice, despite the want to spill his guts out after almost half a year of no contact.

Billy puts the handle back to the phone with a loud clack, severs the connection.

That’s when he notices Steve fucking Harrington on the edge of the stairs that lead up from the basement.

He’s stopped mid taking a step, doe-like eyes wide and blinking, looking at Billy as if seeing a rare animal from the Paleolithic era.

Billy turns his head away, digs out his Chemistry book, along with a pencil, and pays him absolutely no mind. No words, no glances, no threats, not even a raised eyebrow.

He was playing them like a fiddle, making them cautious precisely due to his lack of reactions.

Max must have climbed the stairs because suddenly she bypasses Steve and says, “Oh.”

Billy turns the pages to unit five, takes a look at the exercises after it, which consist of solving problems of random chemical reactions. He takes out the tattered notebook he dug out from the suitcase under his bed of all places and starts from the first one.

All that is heard are the scratches of the pencil on the paper, as Max and Harrington stay like that greek snake lady had turned them to stone, Medusa or whatever.

Then the spell breaks and Max walks towards the kitchen, gait slow. Harrington follows after her. They whisper-hiss something among themselves but Billy doesn’t give enough fucks to eavesdrop.

The rest of the pipsqueaks start climbing up the stairs, stop at the sight of Billy. One of them takes a breath but a loud slap sounds and nothing is said. Seeing as Billy doesn’t even spare a single glance in their direction, they deem him harmless. Still, they take the longer route to the kitchen to bypass him.

Billy flips a page sharply, startling them, and they jump like grasshoppers.

Finally, a brave soul spits out, “Dick.”

Billy scratches his temple and well, sometimes people use their middle finger to do that.

The same brave soul that spoke sputters.

Billy sees Harrington with his peripheral vision. He stays perched at the kitchen entrance, no doubt observing the little spectacle with his hands on his hips in his apparently new role of mother duckling.

Then Harrington proves his role by saying, “Hey, dickheads, what’s taking so long, huh? Move it. One, two, three, come on!”

His obvious attempt to keep a steady distance between Billy and the pests lands as a saving grace to Billy’s concentration. As fun as it is to play with all their nerves without actually doing anything, he has shit to study now.

At one point, the fuckers migrate back to the basement. By that time, Billy is too submerged into chemical compounds to make an effort and antagonize them.

He goes through three whole units before Mr. Wheeler gets up from his armchair, slowly drags his ass to the basement stairs and with a pained sigh yells that it’s time for everybody to leave. The guy probably wants to go to sleep.

Billy packs his things, arranges the book and empty vase on the table the way they were before he sat there, as Mr. Wheeler watches him from under his glasses.

“Thank you for the hospitality, sir.” he says, forging the path for himself on niceties, he’ll probably need to crash here more times than he wants to think of.

“No problem, son. I rarely say this anymore, but you’re welcome here anytime. At least you keep your word in keeping quiet, I’ll give you that. Almost forgot you were here.”

Billy laughs because he’s supposed to, lets the man clap his shoulder and holds in the flinch at the contact. He bids a mandatory ‘goodnight, sir’ and lights a cigarette in the car. He knows Max won’t be out in at least another five minutes.

It seems that Harrington’s car was only a few meters away from his, only Billy must have been too immersed in his mind to take notice to that in the first place. That does explain his sudden appearance. 

Max bolts through the front door like a thing possessed. Billy takes his time with the last three drags before he stubs the cigarette in the car ashtray. She hasn’t moved her eyes away from him since she entered. Billy wishes he’d known that his silence would grant him more leverage than any type of angry words could.

The more you know.

He starts the engine just as Harrington ushers the rest of his ducklings out of the house.

Billy plays pretend, doesn’t acknowledge either one of them. That is until he’s doing a U turn and one of them jumps in front of the car and almost gets himself hit.

Billy slams the brakes just as Max screams.

The kid with the bowl cut calmly walks to Billy’s window, gently knocks on it twice with an innocent face. Billy takes a second, wants to see where this will go. With the window down, he can hear the yells of the kid’s friends as Harrington tries to calm them down.

“Here.” the boy says, voice soft, with no animosity present in it. Max reaches over, nervously glances at Billy because she has to take her book through his window.

She mutters, “Thanks, Will.” but she also makes a face at him, clearly pissed he’d done a stunt like that.

Harrington is stomping towards them, most likely having given up on controlling the little piranhas, but the kid turns away, not before giving Billy a curious look. When he’s taken four steps away, Billy tells him,

“A second and a half.”

Will twists so he’s half-facing the car, head falling slightly to the left.

“That’s the difference. If my reaction was a second and a half slower you’d be on the pavement with a cracked skull.” an eerie silence carries as everybody quiets down immediately. The air has suddenly frozen over, despite it still being January and already cold as balls. “Don’t do that shit next time. Just yell after Max or whatever.”

Billy can see the rest of the geek squad plus Harrington over the kid’s shoulder, all of them in different stages of horror due to the realization to what the consequences could have been. He only knows Sinclair’s name, but the tallest one of the pests loses the little color he has in his face. Maybe he’s Wheeler junior, Billy doesn’t care.

Will, however, doesn’t seem bothered by it. As if he knew Billy would be able to stop in time.

What the fuck is wrong with him? A few months ago, Billy deliberately almost ran them over and now this idiot of a kid throws himself like a suicidal man on train lines? Does he have a death wish?

Why does Maxine always find the weirdest people of the town to make friends with?

Will just says, “Okay.”

Billy bites his tongue, a rare twist of moral twisting in his belly, and he addresses Harrington for the first time since he beat the fuck out of him.

“I thought mothers actually took care of their ducklings.” he wants it to be condescending; however, he knows his voice is too sharp of a barbed wire for it to sound like anything but a warning.

“Oh shut up, you pretentious dick!” the curly-haired one bellows out while pointing at him. Harrington slapps his hand down.

That’s when Mr. Wheeler finally decides to pretend to be a caring adult and see what the past two minutes of shrieking have been about. Billy nods at him, the guy nods back.

“Mike. Care to explain why you’re waking up the entire neighborhood?”

Ah, so Billy got it right – the tallest one snaps his head towards Mr. Wheeler with his usual lemon-bitter scowl. That's why Mr. Wheeler's face had rung a bell from somewhere.

“We’re not waking anybody, dad.”

Billy looks back to Will, finds him already watching. With a shake to his head, Billy closes the window and drives away.

*

Max seems to find him a very interesting specimen as of late or that’s what her constant attention seems like. Susan notices, doesn’t say anything. Billy’s father also notices.

“You’re finally acting like a big brother, I see.” Neil says one night, days later, when two months have passed since Billy sniped anything at Max. “Max told us you stayed at the Wheeler’s house while she was there, studying while you waited for her.”

The added bonus of him spending most of his time here in the house obviously studying every free minute earns him some very appreciated good points. The beatings had lessened. Somewhat.

“Yes, sir.”

Neil nods once, keeps his gaze locked on Billy long enough to make Billy’s stomach fill with heavy lead. But he looks away after that, no indication that he’s displeased. He says nothing else to Billy, thinking that him having told his son how he’s turned into such a good brother to his ‘sister’ is enough praise for the year.

When the front door closes, Billy lets out the air he’d kept in his lungs for almost forty seconds. He’s aware of both Susan’s and Max’s eyes on him.

Well, fuck them.

He doesn’t owe them shit.

He goes to his room, to wait until he has to drive Max to the Wheeler’s. He’s jittery all day because he’s going to call Ellis again. Old feelings swoop up in his belly, regrets and magical moments alike.

Time flies by fast, the ride is no exception. Only he’s so zoned out he doesn't notice the light isn’t red anymore.

“Billy, green.” Max says with her head turned towards him.

Billy continues down the empty road.

This time, it’s Karen Wheeler that answers the door. Billy just barely catches himself from grimacing. That fucking lady won’t leave him alone, he can just feel it already.

Only pro was that she will let him use the phone as much as he wanted, despite all the nasty little smiles she sent his way, probably thinking she is being seductive. The con is that he doesn’t want that woman to hear anything from his conversation with Ellis, so he keeps things as clinical and short as possible, only stopping to explain the sudden cold shoulder to Ellis once Mrs. Wheeler is gone in the kitchen.

“Why the fuck are middle-aged women so obsessed with you?”

“This time it was my fault. Had to find Maxine fast before dad decided he needed a new belt again. Or re-learn boxing, take your pick. Didn’t really have a choice at the time.”

Ellis heaves a tired sigh, biting venomous words back.

Then Billy jumps in the air when he hears a bowl fall on the carpet.

The hissed ‘shit’ alerts him it’s Harrington. It’s like that fucker is stalking him all the time.

Billy can’t help it, turns his head towards him with his teeth bared in a snarl. “Fuck off, Harrington.” the hiss is low, the same one Neil uses on him when he thinks it’s time to teach Billy lessons.

Harrington flinches back, does a move that for some reason makes him look like a big bird fluttering its plumage.

“Who the fuck is Harrington?” Ellis asks, curiosity vast because Billy doesn't talk about anybody in this shithole.

“Local babysitter.” Billy grumbles as he turns away, skin crawling in a feeling he can’t explain.

“Man, you don’t gotta snipe at the dude, he’s just doing his job. Ain’t his fault you ain’t a ray of sunshine.”

“He’s not paid. They chose him or something.”

“The fuck?”

“No idea. Whatever. Is that all the info? Mrs. Wheeler’s gonna barge out the kitchen any moment.”

Ellis huffs. “Yeah.”

The quiet that carries makes it more so obvious that Harrington has not moved away or forward.

“When are you gonna call again, Billy? The others are gonna want to hear you too.”

Billy wants to tell him he’ll say fuck it and start using the phone at the house, call every afternoon when he’s alone. He can’t. If his father gets even a whiff of what’s going on, he’s going to forbid Max from going to the Wheeler’s to severe the little contact Billy has with Ellis.

By any cost necessary, he’d told Billy when he’d served the news they were moving states.

_‘No son of mine is going to be a fag. I’ll push you in the right direction, by any cost necessary.’_

The sentences rings in his head from time to time, a looped reminder that whatever happens, if Billy wants to break loose, he needs go graduate, turn 18 and he’s free. After that it's his choice what he does with his life. Only his.

“I don’t know. I think they’re gonna have another meeting this Friday. Not sure, though.”

This time the sigh Ellis lets out is shaky. “Okay.”

“I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

“Billy.” just as he is about to hang up Ellis makes him halt. “Be careful, yeah?”

Billy watches Harrington’s unmoving shadow. “I will.”

He hangs up. The slam of the phone handle is loud, like a bell in a church it fills the room. Seeing as Mr. Wheeler is absent tonight, there’s no sound of the TV to cover it up.

Billy licks his upper front teeth, clenches his jaw. Harrington chooses that moment to step forward and shift his position from behind Billy to almost next to him. He holds a big and empty ceramic bowl loosely by his leg. Billy doesn’t want to see his face.

He folds the stray paper where he’s written all the information Ellis gave him, places it underneath the last page of the notebook. After that, he picks up his pencil and chooses a chemical equation.

“What did you mean by that?”

Billy doesn’t deem him with an answer.

“Hargrove. What did you mean by that?”

He’d better not touch him, because Billy knows he’ll react to that. Words are fine, he utilises them as a weapon all the time, but touching? Nah. Not happening.

As if he senses the intention before Harrington’s hand is even halfway near him, without looking at him, Billy grasps his wrist tightly like the claws of a bird into a branch, digs his nails into the skin. Harrington’s heartbeat skips under Billy’s fingers, accelerates twice fold in a mere moment.

Billy inhales until his lungs can’t hold any more air, holds his breath and exhales just as measuredly.

He shoves Harrington’s hand away, immediately lets go once it’s closer to its owner rather than to Billy.

Harrington stays in his spot.

“Is that why you beat me? Because your dad would beat _you_ otherwise?”

Billy starts solving his equation, now filled with more inspiration to study this shit when he knows that, just as he'd predicted, he needs to pass both a Chemistry and a Biology exam to be accepted in San Diego.

“ _Hargrove_.”

Karen Wheeler saves Billy when she walks out the kitchen with a plate of apple pie.

“Here you go, Billy.” she carefully places it in front of his study material, as if it’s a work of art.

Billy bites the inside of his cheek before he smiles, wide and fake. “Thank you, ma’am.”

Karen waves a hand, grins back with a wink. “Oh, Steve. Do the kids anything? Do you want some pie?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice, Mrs. Wheeler.”

“Coming right up.” and she twists on her feet in a dramatic turn that makes her perfectly arranged hair swing and bounce. The knee length skirt also.

Billy rubs his eyes. At least the pie looks nice and she can cook things other than rice with vegetables and chicken soup. And can actually bake.

Harrington throws himself onto the opposite seat of the coffee table, practically slams the bowl on it. “Hargrove, quit it with the silent treatment.”

Karen apparently decides to cut Harrington’s slice quickly because she appears again and gives him the plate.

“Popcorn?” she asks as she takes the big ceramic bowl.

“Popcorn.” Harrington confirms with a nervous laugh, his fingers drum on the wood in a neurotic beat.

Billy bites into his pie when she swings around, making sure to not look while anything might make itself on display.

Jesus.

That woman needed Jesus or a hobby. Or a better husband. Probably all three simultaneously.

Even so, he can't say a bad word about the pie. It's perfect, even the crust is an excellent golden color and has a splendid crunch to it.

“Har—”

“Say another word and I’ll kick you in the balls so hard that Max’s threat with the nail ridden baseball bat is gonna look like childs play.”

The threat seems to work its magic. Harrington stands from his seat, heads to the kitchen along with his pie.

Nobody bothers him the rest of the night so he starts catching on to the material, comprehends details he’s had trouble grasping or memorizing since he’s started learning Chemistry in high school.

Later in the week, he aces the next Chemistry test and surprises the teacher so much that after class she makes him do a few similar equations in front of her, plus three additional question on the theory. Not that he blames her, he’s never had more than a C on this subject.

She nods along while checking his written answer, probbs him to see why he chose that way to solve them and so on.

“Incredible. You actually did ace it by yourself.”

Billy shrugs.

“If I can be honest about it, I didn’t think of grading your test. First I searched for the person you’d copied the answers from but you’re the only student to do the equation on number 8 and 12, correctly at that.” she shakes her head in amazement.

Mrs. West is a plump and petite woman with circular glasses that gives the most hideous homework you will ever see in your life but explains the material like a pro. Billy started appreciating it only after his new enthusiasm sprung to life out of nowhere.

She shifts her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Can I ask, why the sudden enthusiasm?”

Her voice is kind. Ultimately, it’s what makes him answer.

“Decided I wanna become a veterinarian.” he laughs, fully aware of the irony that the little shit-stick that has had maybe five A’s in his entire high school life now has the aspiration to study veterinarian medicine, which takes years of devotion.

Mrs. West stares at him from under her glasses, face morphing into a knowing expression. She nods and lets him be.

A week later, when he’s at the Wheeler’s again, after a brief ten-minute conversation with Ellis that felt more like thirty seconds, Billy sets his shit ready on the table and opens his Chemistry book.

Then less than fifteen minutes later, Will Byers sits down next to him without a word and tilts his head at an uncomfortable angle to look at what he’s writing.

Inwardly, Billy is snapping and boiling.

What the fuck is up with these people? Couldn’t they leave him alone? How is it that now when he’s actually doing what they want that they decide they want his attention or whatever?

Fuck’s sake.

The kid doesn’t speak. His brows come together, eyes trained on a particularly long equation that had taken Billy a millennia to comprehend, then dart to the open book for an explanation to the monstrosity of numbers and letters.

Billy tells himself that if that kid opens his mouth, he’ll rip him a new one, give him the same verbal whiplash he gave Harrington. But Will solely watches him work and read in a captivated focus. He feels sorry for him enough to shift his notebook a smidge to the right so that he could see better without having to give himself permanent neck problems.

“What are you doing with _him_?” Wheeler junior snidely asks, having stopped at the stairs leading up from the basement. He has yet another variation of a bitter face on as his vigilant eyes fall on Billy.

Will glances at his friend over his shoulder in, surprisingly, a chilling way that makes more impact than a curse. Wheeler's façade fractures, the hurt seeps from the cracks before he swallows and looks down at the floor.

Then Sinclair decides to see what’s taking Wheeler so long. He makes eye contact with Billy, holds it despite the step he takes backwards back into the basement and the evident fear Billy still inspires in him. The kid has balls alright.

Seeing as Billy has started walking his way down to a reformed path of less anger, albeit it being entirely for his own selfish reasons, he nods his head at Wheeler, looks pointedly down the stairs and raises his eyebrows. Sinclair takes on fast, adopting a distrustful and cautious face, but ultimately ushers Wheeler down the stairs.

Ah, 8th graders fighting. It’s always the end of the world with their drama.

Billy wars with himself. His curiosity is spiked. He waits another minute.

Fuck it.

“What he’d do to you? Thought it was besties for life and all that jazz.” Billy comments despite himself. Either the kid is going to storm away to brood or he’s going to spill something interesting in this boring town.

He does neither.

“He acted like an asshole.”

Billy who had just hunched over his notebook, not really expecting an answer, straightens back up. “Kid, _I’m_ the asshole here. Y’all can’t be assholes if you tried.”

The kid shrugs.

“He’ll apologize. And your little clique will be as good as new.”

Will raises his big eyes at him, skeptical and wary. Billy shrugs, copying the kid’s mannerism. It earns him a quiet snort and Will moves his gaze back down, at the currently solved equations.

And that’s the end of the conversation, it seems.

Billy turns back to his book, flips a new page of equations.

What Billy fails to notice, all due to the fact that his attention is elsewhere, is that Harrington and the rest of the pests, along with a girl he’s never met before, had observed the brief interaction in dubious astonishment.


	2. Lift me over it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the magnificent comments and kudos! I swear, thanks to y'all today, on my first day of vacation, I finally managed to write the second chapter in a flash. I can't tell you how much you've made me smile.
> 
> I'd like to remind you that yes, Harringrove is gonna happen, I can promise you that. It will take a little time, but it will ;)
> 
> Also please do tell if the Cali gang is getting too much screen time because I love writing their interaction with Billy, but it's not worth it if it's plain annoying lmao
> 
> This chapter's title comes from Son Lux's song called Flickers.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Apparently, Will is petty enough to spend his time for the upcoming week with Billy when all the midgets get together. Even if there's school, that doesn't stop them from doing their little demented group meetings to play whatever nerdy shit they do in that basement Once upon a time, Billy had wanted to know. Nowadays, he just doesn't want to have anything in common with them.

Now that is down the drain when that kid keeps up with his spite and pesters Billy while he's studying. Billy wants to say he hates it, that he has the unstopable desire to whack Will with the brick of a Biology book. The reality is that the kid is good company, only speaks when he has a question he can't locate the answer to in the books.

Harrington continues lurking around corners, it makes Billy more cautious than usual but that son of a fucking bitch doesn't relent. The moment Billy is on the phone with Ellis or either of his buddies from Cali, Harrington materializes out of fuck knows where. It's getting on a whole new level of annoying, thus making Billy jumpy and skittish. He doesn't really have a choice, however. It's a hindrance he needs to swallow down for the sake of his sanity.

It doesn't mean Billy doesn't snipe snide comments at him at any given time.

It goes against his previous plan to irk all of Max and her geek pack with his silence, however enough is enough.

Fuck it all. This, he ain't gonna tolerate.

Billy had been talking with Tatiana for the past five minutes when Harrington chooses to apparate from the basement.

"I mean, I can't even imagine your ass being somewhere cold." Tatiana keeps on going, her laugh like refreshing water on a humid day. "You are, aren't ya? No wonder you're so grumpy. I bet even your tan is lamenting the lack of sun wherever you are."

Despite the obvious pest on the horizon Billy can't keep his laugh in. "You've no idea. It's horrible, I swear to fuck. There's mist every single morning. I've never seen so much of this shit in my entire life."

Harrington's walk is slow. Plebian evesdropper.

He almost completely stops next to the table. Mr. Wheeler is watching some movie about aliens, there's a sound of ringing explosions, a perfect mirror to Billy's state of mind.

"The fuck do _you_ want?"

Harrington's head moves back as he makes an affronted face.

"Oh my God, again with this dude? Is he fucking stalking you? I'll bust his nuts with a hammer!"

Her words carry beyond the phone handle. Harrington's expression twists to open shock, his mouth open while he glances between the phone handle and Billy.

Billy sneers, bares his teeth enough for it to be percieved as nothing but a threat. "Scram."

"Whatever." Harrington takes the distance to the kitchen in a brisk walk.

Fuck's sake. Even Will knows not to show his face before Billy is done with his phone call. You gotta be hella dumb to not get a point.

"Billiam?"

Billy groans, rubs his eyes with his free hand. "Can you stop with that?"

"No way in hell. For the past months I've been thinking that I'll never get to call you that ever again. Ain't nothing stopping me now, asshat."

They used to live a few houses away, were the local idiots that got into all the trouble any kid could, even in school. The teachers learned not to separate them very early on, to save themselves migranes or a heavy anneurism. Their own squad calls them the hooligan devils, due to all the times they've had to run from authorities or angry grandmas slash mothers because of Billy and Tatiana. 

Let's just say that if Billy hadn't known her since his childhood years and if she'd been the opposite sex, she'd be The One for him. Their bond is something Billy thinks people rarely get to feel in their lives. Even what he had with Ellis can't compare to the familiarity between him and his Tiana.

Hearing her for the first time in months brings him as much joy as hearing Ellis. Like a bruised part of him has mended just by their voices alone.

"Fine. Permission granted."

"Ha!" she smacks a hard surface. "Knew you liked it."

Harrington emerges from the kitchen with his arms full of snacks, from popcorn to chips, all of it balanced on an enormous box of pizza.

"How're Betty and Danny? I heard from Laila and Jake, but those sleazy motherfuckers won't stop nagging me to give the address."

"What makes you think I ain't gonna do the same? My cousin needs proper surfing lessons. You promised her."

"Don't say the S word, Tiana. We had an agreement."

"Billiam."

Harrington freezes just as he's about to pass the table, snaps his head towards Billy with a bewildered expression, coupled with multiple blinks that mean he probably lost his last brain cell. Not that he had many to begin with.

Her voice is saccharine when she evenly says, "It's that stalker again, isn't it."

Billy sees Harrington's brows twitch. Of course he can hear her, even when she's not talking that loud. That's why Billy tries to make up generic topics for when there are people around him. Exibit A of said people - the persistent twit that's like mosquito buzzing around his ear during nightime.

"Yup." he pops the 'p' like he would a bubblegum.

Billy moves the phone handle from his ear a moment before Tatiana explosed. "Oi! Listen here, you retard!"

Harrington flinches a step back, adopting that same offended face from a few minutes ago.

"You leave Billy alone, you hear me? Or I'm gonna find you, wreck your car, set fire to it in front of you and steal your girlfriend! In one fucking day!"

Billy is cackling by the middle of her rant, it jumps out of him like an unstoppable bubble seeking to get closer to the surface.

"Am I clear, fuckwit?"

Billy thinks he can hear her mother in the background, berating her in Mandarin for her foul language.

"Y-yes. Ma'am. Um." Harrington stumbles over the words, evidently unsure of how to proceed.

"Now fuck off." Billy and Tatiana say simultaneously, in their wierd twin synchrony people always gave them weird looks for.

Harrington hurries off to his little ducklings in a speed he doesn't exibit even during basket. Figures. Tatiana can make a grown man cry. She's made even Billy cry on a few ocassions when they were younger.

"Man, that dude's pissin' me off here."

"Don't I know the feeling."

She doesn't speak for a few seconds, signally Billy of the abrupt shift of the topic.

"About Betty and Danny," she starts, pauses. Billy knows she's twirling her hair around her index finger. "Danny has trouble with his parents. He's staying with Jake for the time being."

Billy perks up at that. Danny is the calmest of them, the anomaly nobody expected to fit in so tightly with a group of delinquents like theirs. He's the smart one, dedicated to his studies, highest GPA in their year, while also managing to take care of his sick grandmother while his parents work non-stop to make ends meet.

"Define trouble."

"They found out his preferences. So to speak. Weren't pleased one bit. His mother kicked him out."

Billy bit at the knuckle of his thumb. "Fuck."

He'd speculated about it, Danny swinging more to the same team, like Billy himself, rather than liking both like Ellis and Tatiana. He'd never opened up about it, was one of the things he didn't like talking about with anybody.

"Yeah. Ellis is with him right now. He's gonna go to his parents later tonight, to see if he can mend things, I guess. Everybody likes Ellis."

He's missed so much shit in his friends' lives. It brings the bothersome pain in his jaw, makes his eyes prickle.

Will plops down in the chair next to him, startles the living shit out of him enough to make him jump and hit his shoulder in the wall. So much for him knowing when to take a hint.

"Holy fuck, kid!"

He looks pensive today, clear eyes giving the illusion that he can see into Billy's soul and hear every thought in his fucked up head.

Tatiana sighs, "Who is it now?"

"One of the kids Harrington babysits."

"Did you steal their candy or something?"

"Screw you, Tiana."

They both know the conversation is as good as over now. It peeves Billy a fuck ton, but at least he got to hear her, finally.

"Call when you can, okay? We talked about the hours with the gang, so I think we've figured out when you can talk. I'll make sure I'm home by seven, a'ight? We all will."

Billy's lips pull in a sad smile, he fiddles with his pencil to keep from getting up and breaking something into multiple pieces because of the pain that bursts in his chest.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll call ya."

The kid moves in Billy's peripheral vision. One glance his way and it's evident there's regret on him - his shoulders are hunched and Billy can hear his feet anxiously moving over the carpet.

"Bye, little devil." and she hangs up, but not before Billy catches her trembling sigh.

Billy puts the phone handle back where it belongs and opens his Biology book, along with his notebook.

Will reaches out with an uncertain hand, long fingers startlingly pale close to Billy's skin that still holds some memories of Cali's sun. He doesn't touch him.

"Sorry." he say meekly instead, hand retreating to his lap with his head hanging lower than before.

Billy shrugs, grips his pencil tighter and starts reading the unit at hand. Will is one of the kids Billy has never had any beef with. He was probably the most docile of them all. He sees no use to explode, thus causing enough drama to get his ass permanently evicted from what has recently become one of the few safe spaces he has in this dump.

Life is all about compromises, he'd learned that early on.

It's the fist time in two weeks that the kid doesn't ask him anything and leaves after ten minutes of tense silence.

On the way back to the house Max takes a few deep inhales, signalling her desire to speak, but aborts every time without uttering a single word. Once the Camaro is parked she snatches his wrist tightly the moment his right hand leaves the steering wheel.

Billy almost gives a stinging slap at her fingers. The same power he'd cultivated to not speak back to his father activates. He only twists his arm away.

He doesn't budge, isn't going to ask what the fuck she wants from him again, instead observes the lights in the house. A curtain flutters, he doesn't catch who was behind it. Still, his heart pitter-patters as his stomach clenches. He can guess.

All of a sudden he gets this awful feeling of claustophobia. It makes him sick, like he hasn't eaten the entire day while physically excerting himself for a prolonged period of time.

Finally, Max speaks, "I know I'm asking a lot."

Billy turns towards her at the strangled intonation. Her eyebrows are drawn together, palms tightly clenched into the fabric of the backpack in her lap, the knuckles a ghostly white from the pressure.

"Can you--" she clears her throat. "Can you send them my regards?" her voice breaks at the end, sqeaks akin to an old hinge.

If possible, her fingers dig further into her backpack, making her arms explode into barely visible tremors.

She sniffs, faces him, eyes glassy from tears that she refuses to let fall.

Billy tends to make himself forget it, forcibly shuning and destroying the memories. But she also knew his tight group of friends. Hell, she even spent some time with them, when things were better, when Billy thought he could maybe accept her as a sister. Just a tiny maybe ringing in the back of his mind, given a little more time.

Until she snitched and lost any and all type of trust and good feelings he held for her.

Sometimes just looking at her makes his blood sizzle with rage that rivals Neil's.

And the fact that her mere existence makes him take on more and more digusting characteristics from his father only adds to the venomous loathing on the already overfilled plate.

He should throw a malicious remark in her face, let himself feel the ghastly satisfaction at her suffering. Especially after now, when all of sudden, it makes perfect sense why Harrington kept on doing the lurker dance around him every time he talked on the phone. Her sheer fucking audacity is the last drop of oil in the already fuming fire that had spread to every corner of Billy's soul the day she told Neil how Billy spends all his free time alone, at the beach.

With Ellis.

Her next words are the only thing that keeps the nasty and vengeful reaction at bay.

"I would have done it by myself. But Neil's gonna think it's you who did it. And I know they won't take it good if I contact them out of the blue. But I just want to--"

She turns away, lifts her shoulder up to her ears. The thick winter jacket makes her appear even smaller, more tenuous. Something Max fights tooth and nail to not let happen.

Billy fights the urge to crack his knuckles. "To what?"

She seems at a loss that he adressed her without them being in the precense of his father. She quickly recovers, straightens her back, flinches while her mouth tightens, and her shoulders slump yet again.

A bitter smile pulls her mouth into a soft tilt. "To say I'm sorry."

She doesn't look at Billy and instead through the windshield, to where the headlights are illuminating the asphalt in the dark night.

Billy flicks his tongue over his teeth, takes in a quiet breath.

She wouldn't.

She's never apologized before, at least not to Billy. Even when they were on good terms back in Cali, she'd awkwardly bump their shoulders for the briefest of moments while looking in the opposite direction or wear a guilty face until Billy rolls his eyes and chooses to let it slide.

If she hadn't done it then, she wouldn't do it now when Billy had physically and verbally threatened that Sinclair kid, had almost hit him then and there, closely followed by him almost beating Harrington's skull open. Not now that they were on such bad terms what Billy dreamt of the day he'd bid every single fucker in the house he was parked at, his 'home', an adios and a high middle finger as he speeds down the road, never to step foor in this fucking miserable dump.

The fury srikes him to his core and were he an animal, he'd be snarling and hissing with his teeth and claws bared.

"I'm sorry, Billy."

The seething crimson emotion halts, as if somebody had hit the pause button.

Max barely faces him when she says it, barely even looks at him, only with the corner of her eyes, with her chin buried into the collar of her jacket.

"I'm sorry."

All Billy can do is blink.

What the fuck?

Why would she apologize _now_?

She didn't even know what she'd done back then, only that due to her giving the information she'd slipped to Billy's father, Neil was angry to such an extent that they were moving states, thus Billy had lost all his friends and home, resulting in his worse behaviour by far.

Max had never been aware of Billy and Ellis's relationship, at least not the deeper extent of it.

Or.

Had she been?

An icy shiver travels down his back, languid, like a sluggish drop of sweat.

His words are slow as he asks, "What exactly are you saying sorry for?"

Max swallows, inhales. "For telling Neil something that he obviously shouldn't have known."

Billy's eyes narrow, he latches onto the last ounce of control he possesses to keep his voice even. "Something?"

This time Max doesn't look away or steal fleeting glances. "You and Ellis."

Billy slams his head back into the headrest, bites roughly into the meat of his thumb.

This little fucking bitch.

Fucking piece of fucking shit.

She knew.

She's known this entire motherfucking time and yet still she--

But Max continues talking, "I didn't know at the time. Didn't think anything of it."

Billy moves his hands to the steering wheel, to grip the leather until it creaks ominously. He can't keep the acidity in anymore, "Oh, _really_ now?"

All Max does is shake her head, not even remotely affected by his outburst. Hell, the bitch had probably waited for them to stop in front of the house to guarantee her own safety.

"I knew you were best friends. Was enough for me, didn't even think to question it." she licks her lips, turns to fully face him. "But now I-- now I think I finally know why Neil got royally pissed at something like that."

"You gonna give me the fag speech now? Hate to shit on your parade, dad already beat you to it months ago."

He makes to get out of the car, away from this impossible shitstain.

Didn't know? Yeah, fucking bullshit. She knew alright.

And there was going to be hell to pay from now on.

"No, Billy, wait!" she grabs the back of his jacket, makes him lose balance and land back in the seat. "I didn't know. I promise, I didn't know. I would never-- I swear on my mom's life, I didn't know. I didn't know."

He slowly twists towards her. She's looking at him like he's the worst mistake she's ever made. Funny. His dad, his mom, now her. Maybe she's more _family_ than he thought.

Billy slams his door shut only because he can't go into the house in this state unless he wants a deluxe beating decause he breathes the wrong way and is looking at Susan in an unsuiting manner.

"You know, I always wondered why you are how are now. Didn't undertand why you fell off the wagon so bad. I mean, I knew you were all really close and it must have hurt, but I also partly grew up in California and it wasn't the end of the world. I kinda wanted to kick you in the face every time I had to talk to you."

Billy snorts, rolls his window down to light a cigarette. His hands are shaking like leafs.

Control. Control. Just control it.

Max keeps on talking, as if blind to the barely restrained hurricane next to her, in such close proximity to hurt her.

"When I remember how Mike and El--" she stops with a sharp intake. When Billy doesn't react, she lets out the held breath. "When I look at them, it reminds me of you and Ellis. Like the whole world is crashing when the other is away."

How was she thinking that comparing what was most likely puppy love between some snotty pre-teens that play fucking role games is a good idea?

Her head is tilted, observing without seeing anything with an unusual expression that Billy doesn't think he's noticed on her before. "He brought out the best in you. And you made him smile more. The more I think about it, the more I realize why you hate me so much."

Her eyes are clear when they meet his.

Her voice holds a gentle note Billy had forgotten existed in her. "What you did to Lucas and Steve, I can't forgive or forget it just like that. Neither will they. You're still a gigantic asshole with anger issues. But I'm sorry that I am part of the reason for that assholery and anger issues."

The coiled net starts unfurling in a startling pace, leaves Billy void of anything. No hate, no venom just waiting to be spewed, no animosity ready to bite at her throat.

At that moment Billy realizes just how much he's needed her to do that, for her to admit that she's partly guilty to why the fury in him is neverending and overspilling, self-destructive in a way that will land him, maybe even other people also, into his early grave. And he'll revel in it 'till the end, with a cigarette in his mouth and a bottle in his hand.

He stares at her, his cigarette almost falls from his lax fingers.

Billy concentrates on it, looks away with a frown.

He's not used to people outside of his own gang owning up to their shit, no matter how enormous the pile of shit is. His brain is broken for more than a moment, confused, trying to find how to twist this into anger just because it's what Billy always does.

When the burning filter stings his fingers, he comprehends how five minutes have passed as if it was a second.

He throws the remainder of the cigarette out the window, slowly gets out of the car. Max follows without a word, walks ahead of him. He doesn't want to see her reaction right now. He begins the trek down the small pathway to the house.

He stops.

Max stops in front of him, a few paces away, but doesn't turn his way.

In retrospect he doesn't remember what makes him do it.

"I'll tell them you said hi."

Her back goes straight so fast it must have hurt. Billy swears he hears a crack.

She manouvers her body with such speed that Billy doesn't have time to react. Before he has time to blink, she's in his space with her arms around his middle, like tentacles trying to make his lungs expell all the air in them. He almost lands on his ass from the impact.

The fuck?

Max had hugged him only once since he'd known her, for when he convinced Laila to teach her how to skateboard. It had seemed pointless then. It seems pointless now too.

What fucking gives?

She's gone as quickly as she'd attacked him with her ridiculous logic.

When he enters the house he can hear Max talking loudly, an excitement she rarely shows. Billy catches Neil's eyes, hopes no dread shows on his face. What has he done this time? Last week it had been two forks in the sink.

"Wasn't so hard being a good brother, now, was it?" he says crypticly, with his arms crossed.

"No, sir."

His father nods once, lets him be.

Susan makes him his favourite rice with spinach and _actually_ makes it good. For the first time since he'd known her.

Four days later, when Max visits the Wheelers for some unknown reason apart from a sniped ' _because_ ', Billy calls Tatiana and tells her Max says hi.

"Oh." she says, mirroring Billy's reaction. "She did it by herself?"

"Yeah."

Billy automatically shifts his face into a plastic smile when Mrs. Wheeler breezes by him towards the kitchen with a wink. Harrington is trailing right behind her with the curly-haired pest that had the balls to curse Billy in the face.

Fucking hell. Jump from one swamp into the other. Only the damn irritating mosquitoes follow.

"Ellis is in shock here."

Billy chokes on his water.

"He's there _and you didn't tell me_?" he whisper-hisses into the phone handle, slaps a palm over his forehead.

Harrington is making a face from the entrance of the kitchen that gives him an appearance of an even bigger halfwit that he already is. Billy doesn't even give a fuck if he hears anything anymore.

"Jesus fuck, Tiana. Give him the phone."

"But you called me!" she whines, adopting her inner seven year old's obnoxious behaviour.

"Give Ellis the phone."

"Billiam!"

"Tatiana!"

"Fine. You owe me."

Billy lets out a laugh that trickles out of his throat like a sweet song. "I owe you my life, you devil, that should be enough."

He knows Ellis took her place because the other side of the line goes quiet.

"She really did that? Max?"

"Yeah. She did."

"I mean, full on apology, admiting to it."

"Yeah. Full on apology."

"Wow."

"Same."

With Ellis you need training to hear the undertones of his emotions because he talks with his face and body language more than anything.

"She--"

"Billy." Max sprouts out of nowhere when Billy just saw her dash to that creepy basement a few minutes ago.

Billy licks his lower lip, raises an eyebrow at her.

"Is that Ellis?"

He hears Ellis choke on air, followed by an angry exhale. No use in lying when apparently everybody hears his personal conversations now.

"Yeah." Billy knows what she's going to ask before she opens her mouth. "I don't know if he wants to."

Her face falls, a deja vu from a few nights ago.

"Ellis?" Billy whispers and throws his most evil glare at Harrington. At least the curly-haired shit is still in the kitchen, talking with Mrs. Wheeler.

She apologized to Billy. But he wasn't the only one she'd wronged that day, back home. She owes him as much as she does Billy. The only way Ellis would forvige her would be to hear it straight from her. Billy didn't think it would mean anything after the shitstorm she caused, when it had tilted their axis into un inevitable outcome, had directly severed their little spark of happiness.

It had meant something, he'd felt it in the car with her - the light feeling that acknowledgement gave him.

"Should I?" Ellis asks him, because of course he would.

Max's eyes fill with hope, she takes half a step forward as she brushes her index finger over her mouth in a jerky movement. If Billy chooses, he can cut her in a similiar way she had cut him - he'll take that same puny seed of hope and throw it out of her reach. Billy is the only way she'll put the overwhelming guilt she's been dealing with probably since she put two and two together, after almost half a fucking year.

Billy holds her eyes and says, "Not if you don't want to."

Max's expression completely crumbles, lower lip immediately starts trembling as her eyes grow cold and glassy, filled with betrayal and bitterness.

He thought he'd enjoy seeing her the way he saw his own reflection half an hour after Neil punched and kicked the literal soul out of him, then told him to 'pack his useless things and bring his useless self to a semblance of normality'.

He doesn't.

It doesn't make him uncomfortable.

No.

It makes him feel... guilty.

"But I think you should."

Max stumbles as she'd made to turn on her heel, then cuts off the motion at his words and grabs his shoulder for support.

"Fine. Fucking fine. Jesus. Tiana, gimmie a shot." Billy waits until he hears the slam of a glass on a hard surface and a digusted 'ugh'. "Let's get this over with."

Billy stands and hands Max the phone handle. She bolts to take his vacated seat, managing to clutch at the handle with both her hands.

Harrington takes a step back when his puny little brain makes him realize that Billy will head his way. Just as they're about to enter the kitchen, the curly-haired pest dashes by them.

"C'mon, Mrs. Wheeler! I gotta show you something!" he excalimes and make Billy wonder for the umpteenth time what these kids are on.

"Dustin!" Mrs. Wheeler is so preoccupied with him, however, that she doesn't spare Billy a glance. It's refreshing to say the least.

Harrington follows Billy into the kitchen.

Billy pours himself a glass of water, grabs a handful of the preshly popped popcorn to munch on.

"Who was that?"

Billy blinks.

"Excuse you?"

"Max almost cried right there. Who was that?"

"Contrary to popular belief, Harrington, you're not her mother."

Harrington throws his arms in the air, brings his palms to his face to let out an angry sigh.

"Is it gonna kill you to answer a simple question for once in your life?"

Billy leans back on the counter, talks with his mouth full and a shark grin in place. "Is it gonna kill you to stop stalking my conversations with my friends?"

Harrington raises a finger, ready to counter, then completely deflates and makes a sweeping motion with said raised hand.

Ha. Finally put you in your place, now, didn't we?

"The only reason I'm gonna let this go is because she's been in a good mood lately and she seemed like she really wanted to hear the person on the other line."

Billy can blame Max's influence on him. His impulsive brain makes him speak before he could stop it.

"Ex-boyfriend."

"I didn't know she--"

" _My_ ex-boyfriend. God, you really are a demented sack of shit, aren't you, Harrington?"

Harrington seems to be going through a slow process of loading. "You--"

"Yeah, yeah, save the fag jokes for your freaklings."

Billy goes past him as he swallows the last of his popcorn, makes sure to slam his shoulder into Harrington's with enough force for him to lose his footing, and throws the weird feeling of wanting to be validated out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share your opinion, yays and nays alike <3


	3. All I see is the remains of an ugly truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE NICE COMMENTS AND KUDOS, YOU AMAZING PEOPLE!! You keep me going! 💖💖💖
> 
> Warning: in this chapter there will be self-inflicted violence, which I think falls in the category of self-harm so I'll add the tag. Also, there are some suicidal thoughts, which I will also tag.
> 
> This chapter's title is from Post Malone's "Otherside".
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Since there has been some misunderstanding regarding a few things in this chaper, I'll post a note at the end, to clarify it. It's not about triggers, just about the relationship between Billy and Elllis!

The next meeting the geeks have is the following Saturday at 11, at Harrington's house. Which, fucking magnificent that.

Billy resigns himself to at the very least six hours of studying, thus takes both his Chem and Biology books. This is going to be a fun day, he can just feel it.

His father is in a shit mood, the only thing that saves Billy is that Max and Susan are in the house and there is no way Neil can inflict the damage he wants to in front of them. Billy barely restrains himself from literally running out the door to the Camaro. Max notices his skittish behaviour, but Billy blasts music to rid her of the chance of asking.

He's not dealing with this shit today. He hopes she forgets about it and doesn't try her luck on the way back when he's even more agitated.

Billy smokes two cigarettes before he gets in Harrington's mansion. He'd bought himself two packs last night, he's going to need them.

Once inside the house, he heads opposite of the living room where everybody is, awkwardly grips his messenger bag in search of a place to sit his ass down and start studying. The kitchen is out by default, those pests will be running back and forth, high on their pre-teen drama and candy.

"Hargrove!" Harrington shouts at him from the living room.

Billy pats himself on the shoulder for not jumping. He turns slowly, face slack. As much as he doesn't want to, he has to play by Harrington's rules in his house if he wants to be let in. Studying in the car is also an option, albeit an extremely uncomfortable one that will result in annoying cricks in his neck and shoulders.

Harrington stops once he's a few feet away, carefully looks at him in a way that has Billy mentally singing a song of colourful curses.

He's gonna get kicked out, isn't he? Figures.

Billy sighs, shakes his head. He shouldn't have had high hopes to begin with. Cricks it is.

Harrington freezes when Billy is too close to him. All Billy does is bypass him with deliberately obvious space left between them. Just as he's about to open the front door, Harrington speaks.

"Wait, wait, what?"

Billy keeps his back to him, rolls his eyes to high heaven and mutters, "Saving you the effort of kicking me out seeing as you can't even say it to my face."

"Ugh. I'm not kicking you out when it's freezing and the little shits are gonna be here for a minimum of five hours. Get you ass back here."

Billy stands still, frowns and turns on his heel.

Harrington beckons him closer with the wave of a hand, his other one on his hip. He usually strikes that pose when he's lecturing the geeks. Billy grits his teeth, shoves his free hand in his jeans to stop himself from landing a punch. He's not an insolent kiddie, but he's desperate.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Harrington glances up the stairs reluctantly, starts climbing them. Billy follows after him, at a slower pace. There's only one open door in the corridor and Harrington has a palm rubbing his face at the entrance to it.

"I am going to regret this." Billy hears him whisper to himself, then Harrington runs a hand over his hair, flips it more to the right side.

Billy realizes the why soon enough. It's Harrington's room. He lifts an eyebrow, finds Harrington already looking at him with a constipated face.

Harrington points in his face. "I swear, Hargrove, you do anything weird in here and your ass is grass, you hear me? Grass."

Billy slaps his hand away the way one would swat an insect off their shoulder. "What the fuck." he doesn't even phase it as a question.

"I have a phone here."

Billy falters, a smiliar blankness fills him akin to the one that had overcome him after Max's apology.

"Why? So you can all evesdrop on my personal phonecalls again, this time with full detail? Pass."

But, in reality, Billy comprehends, they could have been doing this at the Wheeler's this entire time. And he can't have known. Fuck. _Fuck._ Once the thought has formed, it festers in his mind.

Just as Billy is about to storm down the stairs Harrington grabs his shoulder. He moves out of reaching distance fast, right before Billy stikes to shove him.

"It's not connected to the other phones in the house. Dad made a guy stop by and do that after, uh, after hearing something he really, _really_ shouldn't have." Harrington's cheeks flush rapidly as he scratches his nape.

Billy lifts his chin, eyes narrowed, upper lip curled in a speer. "And I'm supposed to believe that? Would you belive it if somebody tells you the same thing?"

"Believe whatever the fuck you want, Hargrove. Take it or leave it."

When Harrington leaves him at the entrance to his own room he slams his shoulder into Billy's.

Billy barely stomps down the urge to fling the heavy messenger bag at his head. He steps inside the room, unsure as he takes it in. Posters, ugly wallpaper and recently cleaned.

Had Harrington planned on letting Billy use this precise room? Without any ulterior move? Hah, not fucking possible.

Billy throws his bag on the made bed and quietly goes about the other rooms on the floor. He checks each and every one of them, carefully searches for a phone or any wires that might suggest the hidden existence of one. Only the master bedroom, where his parents reside most likely, has one and it's collecting a heavy layer of dust. Billy still isn't convinced.

He studies for two hours in Harrington's room, doesn't ask for anything, not even water, nor does he go downstairs to get himself some. He's not gonna beg. Besides, drinking tap water isn't the end of the world, he'll survive.

Harrington comes up to check on him while he's ripping a piece of paper apart because he's can't solve a certain chemical equation for nearing half an hour. Fucking shit, how is he supposed to pass the entrance exams when he still has trouble grasping the minor things. He hasn't even started with the hardcore shit yet.

"Have some respect for the trees, man."

Billy turns from his place at the desk only to throw the remainder of the paper, now in the form of a wrinkly ball, at his face. It hits Harrington on the forehead. Instead of getting pissed off, like Billy had hoped he would, Harrington picks up the paper to unravel it and smooth it out. Gradually, his eyes start widening before he adopts a profoundly disgusted face and curshes the paper in his palm to throw it back at Billy.

"NOPE. This shit is out of this realm. Aren't we on like unit six or something?"

"Seven."

Harrington waves a dismissive hand.

"Same crap, different number."

Billy faces his books again, starts the same equation anew. He just has to concentrate and it'll be fine. Once he puts his entire spite into something he will push through, no matter all the screaming and yelling of profanities it will provoke along the miserable way.

Spite is the key to everything.

"Can you just- can you just listen for a second?"

Billy is mere moments away from hauling Harrington's ass out the window. He should have stayed in the car.

"I meant it. About the phone. I know you're pissed because you think I'm lying but I'm not."

"And I know you like to play babysiter but I doubt you're also a saint, Harrington. You don't gotta cover up your hate with superficial niceties, I'm not Tommy or Carol."

He catches Harrington exhale in that tortured I-should-be-getting-payed-for-this-shit way of his. He leaves without a word, only closes the door behind himself.

For the next half an hour Billy steals uncontrollable glances aimed at the phone sitting on Harrington's bedside table, mocking him like its owner. 

He should have known he would relent in the end. There was no other possible outcome, really, not with all the time he has to spend here, how he can't get anything into his head because his thoughts are miles and miles away.

With a grumble, Billy stands up from the desk chair only to flop down on the ground with his back pressed to the bed.

He dialls the number to Jake's house.

And the person he wanted to pick up answeres him.

Danny sounds way tired than usual when he murmurs a quiet, "Hello?"

"'Sup?"

Danny chokes and coughs a few times before he recovers. "Hargrove, you complete fucking ass!"

"Well, you can't call, so I'm callin'."

"Yeah. Sorry. It's just... a lot of shit piled up on my plate. I think Tiana told you."

And as if on cue, his head is free of the buzzing, concentration in place.

"That she did, but I haven't heard from anybody since her, so no follow-up."

"As you've guessed, I'm still at Jake's, so. Ellis couldn't help this time."

Billy twirls the curly wire of the phone handle around his index finger, pensive. "I always thought your folks of all people wouldn't be so stuck-up with something like this. It ain't like you're fucking evil if you're gay, sheesh."

"Wait. 'I always thought'? You knew?" Danny sounds breathless, a barely detectable hint of panic that only appears on him when he's worried about grades and scholarships.

"Wasn't sure. But I had an inkling you're more like me, than Ellis or Tiana. Why?" Billy has a tight feeling of dread piling in his stomach like a fucking Tetris game. There's no reason for it. Yet it's the same premonition that has never once lied to him about his father's next strike. "Danny?"

Danny lets out a strangled sigh, followed by a sniff. "I kinda wanted to wait for this when we're face to face eventually, seemed the right thing to do, but I can't take it anymore, man, I can't."

Billy observes the door, says "How 'bout this? I need a sec to see something and you use that time to gather all that shit to throw at me, alright? Rip the bandaid. Be right back."

Billy leaves the handle on the bed without wating for a response and with as much stealth as he can find in himself, he exits the room and heads down the stairs on his tippy toes. He approaches the living room with his back to the wall, listens.

The little shits are arguing about some weird-sounding breed of dogs and the extent of thier powers. Okay, they're just playing thier usual child games, not eavesdropping. Billy exhales in his palm and just as carefully drags his ass back to Harrington's room, quietly shuts the door.

He picks up the phone handle. "You here?"

"Yep." but Danny sounds even more nervous than before and when he speaks again it's a mile a minute. "Okay. Okay, here goes nothing. So the way mom and dad found out was because we were discussing, at dinner, why I have such high standarts for girls, yeah? And I was sleep deprived, with all the studying and extra hours at school, so my fucking dumb ass says," Billy hears the exact moment Danny comes close to tears - his breath catches in his throat, voice rises an octave. "'because they're eons away from Ellis'."

At first Billy blinks in confusion, doesn't get why Danny is so worked up about something like that.

When he grasps the meaning, he feels like Neil kicked the breath out of him.

The trembling whisper of "Billy?" snaps him out of it.

Jesus fuck.

"Shit."

"I- You don't- you can hang up on me, if you want. It's okay, I understand, trust me, I can't tolerate myself either." the mournful laugh adds to the horrible words.

Daniel and his fucking lack of self-respect.

"I'm not mad at you, Danny. Hell, that ain't nothing compared to the shit I've done in the past few months. I almost killed a classmate, ya know. Max had to tranqualize me with a sedative. So, I'm not mad at something you can't control."

Another chilling laugh, leaking with self-hatred rings in his ear. "You don't get it, Billy. It's not a _recent_ development. It didn't happen after your shit-stick of a father made you move states."

Oh.

_Oh._

Ah, double fuck.

Then, surprise of all surprises, Harrington bursts into the room.

Billy snarls at him like an animal in a cage, "Could you stop _fucking_ interrupting my conversations, Harrington? Jeezus."

Harrington at least has the gal to look a bit sorry. Only a smidge.

Not enough.

"The kids are pissing me off."

"Well go in a guest room."

"THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASSHOLE!"

"You invited me here yourself, asswipe!"

Harrington crosses his arms petulantly, purses his lips and slams the door with his foot without leaving the room.

You know what, fuck it. He already knows most of the shit either way. And if Billy tells Max to make Harrington not butt his nose into this _or_ spill the beans to any of the other pests, she will. After the recent events there's no way she'll take that away from him.

At least as far as he's aware. Teenagers' moods shift from sunshine to shitstorm faster than a summer hurricane.

"Is that your stalker? Why are you in his house?"

"Max and her geek pack have a meeting here and I gotta study."

"Ah."

An awkward silence ensues as Harrington throws himself on his bed, as usual, not minding his own business.

Billy looks at his nails, rubs his thumb over the nail plates one by one.

Fuck it all to hell.

If Harrington spills Billy ain't gonna hold back the black fires in him. Eye for an eye and all that jazz.

"I'm not angry with you, Danny."

"Did you not hear a goddamn fucking word I said, you-"

"Shut up and listen." Billy catches the sound of Harrington moving on the bed, as if the sentence was directed at him. "I'm not mad. And you know we weren't exclusive for long. Might have been a problem if I was still in Cali and shit, but I'm not. And as we've all said it at least once, it's been almost half a year."

Behind his eyes, it starts slotting into place. The way Danny had started avoiding them once Billy and Ellis were BillyandEllis. Had he paid attention, he would have noticed. Had the fucking idiot Ellis also paid attention, they would have _noticed_.

He has to try and fix this.

"You wanna know why we became exclusive?"

Danny heaves a defeated sigh, seconds away from cutting the line. "Why?"

"Fuck buddies. You know why?"

"Is this going somewhere, or?"

"Humor me."

An agitated exhale later, "Why?"

"You did not hear it from me, it came to you in a dream, am I clear? He had feelings for somebody he was close with, a guy he thought would never look at him the same way, so he decided to give a nice fuck you to said feelings by starting a friends with benefits that escaladed faster than we thought it would."

"Am I supposed to be in awe? Billy, I love you, man, but honestly, this is-"

"Bitch, use your brain. Puh-fucking-lease. Use your brain. How many people is Ellis close with, you utter imbecile?"

The silence gets Billy's ears to start ringing in anxiety. Did he finally cross a line?

" _Jake_? Are you shitting me?"

Billy makes the sound of that annoying buzzer on reality shows."Try again."

Harrington sputters behind him.

A loud bang sounds from the other side of the line. Shit.

"This isn't some movie where 'oh, look, they were in love all this time, cue a happily ever after'. You know better than most people on this God forsaken planet that a lot of us never get dealt with the good cards. I know you're guilty. However, fuck you if you think lies wrapped in pity are the solution."

"Danny."

" _No._ I think I need to just be by myself right now, okay? I'm happy I heard you, Billy, I really am, you've no idea. But I can't deal with this on top of mom and dad, I'm sorry."

Danny hangs up just as Billy predicts. He might be the most serious out of them, but involve emotions in the picture and his temper skyrockets faster than Neil's.

Of all the things that have to go wrong, it has to be with hiw friends, right? Those idiots, had they taken their heads out of their asses Billy wouldn't have to pick up their pieces.

"Uh, that wasn't nice."

Billy's jaw clicks.

"Harrington. If you value your face you will get some space between us immediately or I'll knock you out with this phone."

"You're in my house, buddy."

Billy snaps.

He moves like a cobra to face him, digs his fingers into Harrington's pullover before he can run away, and leans in close. Harrington's face loses a shade or four, any previous lack of fear now crawling to the surface.

"You've been fucking butting your nose into me and my best friends' business since this started. I'm giving you a last chance to stop provoking me before I do something we both regret."

Harrington surprises him by shoving him away with the apple of one palm, the slam hard enough to make Billy lose the balance he had on his knees. His eyes are stone, an expression of disdain etched into his soft features.

Now we're talking, finally some familiar grounds to speed on.

Billy leers at him, brings out a grin identical to the one he threw at him mere minutes before he almost punched his skull open. "The fuck did you think was gonna happen when you try and meddle with the only good thing I have left, princess? A _thank you_?"

Billy gets up, packs his shit and leaves with a slam first to Harrington's bedroom door, then to the main one at the entrance. He throws the bag into the passenger seat and lights a cigarette.

Fuck.

Now that he knows what exactly has been going on, it makes the guilt transform into a slimy thing that sits heavy in his guts. If he'd looked close enough instead of heeding Ellis's pleading to leave it all behind, his friends would be much happier. Instead he'd let both himself and Ellis develop feelings for each other, reveling in the elation of being in a relationship with a person who understands the other fully.

Danny and Ellis could have had it all, had he not been in the picture. They're the perfect combination, really, fire and air. And Billy's selfishness brought them further apart. All because he'd felt _wanted_ , he'd let Danny suffer in silence, in the background, hiding his wounds in plain sight.

Billy jams his palm into the steering wheel.

A royal fuck up, as always.

He throws the cigarette out the window.

Why is he even trying anymore? There's no point in it.

No point into studying his ass off to do something for a mother that left him behind with his father. No point in making contact with his friends when, apparently, all he's done is fuck them over. No point in trying to be civil with people who don't even know the meaning of 'boundries'. No point in... anything, really.

It's all bullshit.

He's going to do something stupid if he drives away. Billy starts the car either way.

It's high time for some one-on-one self-distruction.

The front door to the Harrington household whams open, the impact so heavy it penetrates throught the rev of both the engine and the crimson mist in Billy's mind alike.

Max runs towards the car, slides herself over the hood to avoid going around it, and lands in front of Billy's still opened window. Billy is about to fling a snide comment at her when he discerns the unmistakable alarm in her entire form and eyes. She clasps her still warm hand atop his left one on the steering wheel.

Stay.

Billy grips the wheel, Max in turn hardens her grasp.

She shakes her head.

"Let me go, Max." his tone is the warning of a rattle snake's tail, one he only bestows her with because as much as he hates it, he gives a damn about her.

"No."

"Billy. Please."

"I'll pick you up in a few hours." he says, lets the walls crack down enough for her to see the storm building speed in his mind and understand that no, he can't fucking stay here. That if he does, he's going to fuck up whatever strings they'd started rebuilding. He can slvage that, at least, if he can't even help his own friends.

His hands are shaking with the restraint needed to not dash away immediately. For a moment he's sure that he'll have to hiss his way out of Max's grasp and say goodbye to the recent progress. It's not like he can keep good shit in his life, evidently, it wasn't going to be a surprise.

Max presses her lips tight together, her fingers spasm over his once last time before she takes two steps backwards.

Billy doesn't make eye contact, pulls the walls back up in place and speeds out of the Harrington household premises.

*****

He drives and drives for what feels like hours. It's only been twenty-five minutes.

He stumbles upon an abandoned junk site, filled with a few old, rusty cars, car parts and trash littered everywhere. He gets out of the Camaro with heavy steps, opens his trunk to get out the crowbar he keeps for emergencies and a false sense of safety if he ends up in a bad situation (more likely than not). He picks the first car close to him, doesn't even pause to see what brand it is and slams the crowbar into the windshield.

He keeps on smashing, finally feeling the thrill of the destruction. He can let it out with no fear of repercussion, no consequenses, the eruption long overdue.

He's played docile for too goddamn long.

Now, it's time for some fucking fun.

He rages his emotions out. At one point he throws the crowbar behind his shoulder; it lands on glass, the crash sweet music to his ears. He delivers a brutal punch into the metal of the hood of an ugly Ford, doesn't let his reason stop him from punching the sole standing window at the passenger side with his bare hand.

His right hand throbs, the tremors in it creating the illusion that the blood from the cuts is flowing quicker than it is.

Billy picks up a large hammer from one of the trucks, it's heavy enough that he can crack somebody's cranium to tiny bits and then some.

And he keeps on trashing anything in his imminent sight, switches to punching with his left hand also, until his arms and back burn from the sudden strain. His breathing comes out in heavy pants, a rasp starts at his throat, lungs heavy and constricted. Too much smoking tends to do that to ya, also brings you an early ticket to Death's judgement day, another reason he'd started indulging in the habit even more in Hawkins.

He lights one just because, salutes the skies with a crude grin, dares whatever outer forces are out there to strike him down and end his misery once and for all.

He's shivering from the cold and the adrenaline. Despite that, the tightness in his hands from the drying blood is not something he can ward off with just his sheer will. His heart thumps hard enough for him to feel the heavy beat in his entire chest cavity, as if the organ had grown ten times its normal size in the span of a few seconds.

His thighs burn, his legs buckle just as he reaches to stabilize himself on a nearby car. He still falls on his ass, continues smoking with unseeing eyes.

An empty calmness overcomes him, after he's spent all his anger for the first time since that night with Harrington in the Byers's house.

What catches his attention once his vision clears is a school bus that is, for lack of better words, barricated from all sides, with only the front door pushed open.

With his interest piqued, he pushes any other simmering thoughts back into the depths of his mind, finds it an easy task with how tired he's rendered himself.

The now melted snow has covered a lot of marks in the ground but there are some left, too deep to be hidden even by nature itself. There must have been a fight here.

There are deep delves into the earth, multiple in fact. Like animal traces.

Billy inches closer, mentally removes all the damage he'd inflicted the past half an hour, to form a clearer picture of the scene. 

He takes a drag of the cigarette as he stands on his feet, places it between his lips to slap at his thighs a few times, help the blood flow faster, roughly pinches his quads, to shun the remaining tremors away.

Once he's sure he won't get betrayed by his legs again, he starts roaming the small site, flicks the cigarette away at the interior of one of the cars. There's not a lot of evidence but if he's honest, he just wants to figure out if those claw marks all over the place are from a bear or a mountain lion. There haven't been wolf sightings in Hawkings for years, is what their Biology teacher told them last week, so that's out.

He presses his face closer to the claw dents in the shcool bus, has to close the improved front entrance to see the entire thing. They're too jagged to be a mountain lion, fit more the ginormous paw of a bear out for blood. Seeing as it can't have been a youngling, that bear must have been either on the short side or underdeveloped to leave the marks so close to the ground. Typically, once enraged they push their entire mass into the hit, most of the time while standing on two feet for more power behind the high strike. It should have left much more breakage.

This is something smaller, agile and fast.

Versatile.

There are claw marks all over the fucking bus. Some barely even there, easily mistaken for chipped paint, but they're from the same animal.

Billy enters the bus, half sure he's going to be met with a rotting corpse or human bones, despite the lack of smell. The hard and cold winter could easily preserve the body, especially after the neverending snow storms.

There are packets from snacks, no bones or bodies. Thank fuck.

There's nothing unusual in there, no marks from animals. Whoever got attacked was either dragged away or somehow managed to survive and run away after the attack.

That's his opinion until he climbs to the top of the bus.

No fucking adult bear can climb this fucker without toppling the entire bus. There are more claw marks here, as jagged as the ones on the improved entrance and the exterior of the vehicle. The dents of the claws from the back legs suggest something the size of a wolf. But that makes even less sense.

The fuck is up with this town? Mutated wolves? Mutated mountain lions? Underfed bears with enough power to slash so many attacks and climb a school bus?

If Billy had a camera like that creeper, Will's older brother, he'd take shots to compare from books in the library. There has to be something that fits the weird as fuck behaviour.

Because this? This wasn't one animal, it was an entire coordinated pack of them, at least seven.

He gets off the bus with a jump that makes his knees hurt more than his hands at the impact. A quick inspection of whatever remainder of evidence confirms it. If these animals are roaming the woods of this good for nothing town, who's to say if the next targets survive?

Fuck Hawkins. Seriously, fuck Hawkins.

*****

The weird animal markings plus the self-destructive spree pass two hours faster than he'd anticipated. He races with time to get to Harrington's as quick as possible so that he makes it back to the house before it's dark, like Neil had told him to.

The blood has dried completely, only springs free if he grips the wheel hard enough to split his knuckles open yet again. The mix of crimson, blue and purple is satifying in a twisted way he's no stranger to.

He revs the engine as he nears Harrington's, an imaginary rope grips at his ribs at the sight of the house.

Unwelcome memories of the conversation with Danny flood back. He lights a cigarette in an attempt to burn them down. He'll think about it tomorrow, or the next time he has access to a phone.

Despite the deliberate noise he makes, Max doesn't venture out of the house even after ten minutes. For a split second he wonders if he'll get the satisfaction back if he takes out the crowbar again and ruins Harrington's shiny BMW.

Billy throws himself out of the car, stalks to the front door, half expecting for Murphy's law to activate and for it to open just as he's seconds away from doing so himself.

It doesn't.

If it was somebody else's house, he'll knock. He shoves the door open instead, he'd announced his presence with the Camaro, that's as much courtesy he'll give.

All laughter ceases.

The big bad wolf is here, freaklings, better run before he bites your throat open.

The loud music continues playing, a happy song that makes the scene even more entertaining to Billy. He should have stormed in with an axe.

Max dashes out of the living room but the moment she's near enough to see all of him, she freezes in her tracks.

Billy took a long look at his reflection in the side mirror of the car before leaving the junk site. His hair is blown to a nest by the howling wind, the curls kept together only by the sweat from the excertion. With his jacket in the backseat and the black pullover on him, his bruised and battered hands make am eerie and stark contrast.

Max lets out a strangled whisper, "Billy?"

She runs the rest of the way to him in alarm. Billy steps out of her reach.

"Let's go." he says, voice monotone, eyes void of any emotion. "Dad's waiting."

She hasn't dropped the shock, nor had Billy been able to squash her concern. "What happened?"

By that time, Billy can hear Harrington talking with who Billy presumes is the curly-haired pest and Will had decided to see what's going on. The baffling thing to him is that the kid gives the exact same reaction as Max's, an unlogical development in Billy's opinion. They aren't close. All they've done is stay in silence while Billy studies, with the occasional question here and there, nothing to warrant such deep worry, especially for a person like himself.

"Max." the warning tone is all that is needed for them snap out of their trance. The last time he'd used it was a day before she'd threatened to smash his balls and dick with that nail-ridden baseball bat.

To his complete astonishment Max walks the few steps separating them to take one of his hands into her own smaller and softer one. "Who did you fight?" she brings her sharp gaze to track his face, not that she'll find evidence of something that didn't happen.

He quickly pulls his hand away in an attempt to hide how rattled he is by the gesture. "Broken cars in a junk yard. Let's _go_."

She stays in her spot for a few tense moments before she turns. Will stays.

And that fucking cretin Harrington lands his ass on the scene. The only saving grace is that he doesn't exibit anything on the surface, only his shoulders slump when he sighs. He heads towards Billy, any previous fear from earlier in the afternoon having apparently evaporated if he dares to pull Billy by the shoulder in the direction of the stairs.

Will just stands there watching them, something hard to read lurking in his eyes.

Billy's too tired to care or oppose to the manhandling, just shoves Harrington's arm away with force to keep the little remaining pieces of his image intact. Harrington opens a door on the second floor, a few doors away from his room. He doesn't look back to see if Billy is following.

Billy slowls his walk to a snail's pace. What the fuck is he doing following Harrington like a puppy? Is he a part of the geek squad - no. Is he a ten year old that plays nerd games - no. Then why the fuck is he even-

"Hargrove, drag your ass here."

Billy stomps the rest of the way only to slam his palm into the wooden door and hear it hit the tiled wall in a satisfying crack. Harrington is staring at him with a deadpan face.

"Can you not?" he's taken out a medical kit, bandages, anticeptic and antibiotic cream already.

Billy's upper lip curls in a snarl and he takes a step back. He's nobody's charity case, much less Harrington's.

Harrington raises a hand. "Before you start with the bullshit." he moves from the sink. "I haven't forgotten that night. What you did to me and Lucas. And despite the fact that you haven't even apologized, well, I'm man enough to do it in this case. I messed up. Which may or may not have also messed up things with your friends and ex and I _am_ sorry about that. Okay? Okay. Now stop acting all macho and clean that shit before it gets infected, for fuck's sake."

Billy's brain is too slow and confused to do anything but let Harrington pass by him to the exit.

The question leaves him despite his lack of want to voice it out, "Why?"

They aren't face to face, his blood rushing in his ears drowns out any other sounds.

"So I don't have to owe you anything."

And Harrington leaves him alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back at it again with confusing people lmao. I am really sorry for the lack of understanding, it's entirely my mistake for not making it clearer. I already answered the comments with what the relationship between Billy & Ellis & Danny is, so here you go:
> 
> Danny has been in love with Ellis since way before Billy and Ellis became an item. Ellis reciprocates the feelings, only he's unaware, nor is Danny, they're just dumb idiots. Ellis starts a friends with benefits with Billy, which later makes them develop feelings for each other, hence them becoming official. Long story short, Danny is just guilty for his affections for Ellis, has wanted to tell Billy for a long time to get it off his chest and smooth things out, move on, etc. Danny has never been in a relationship with Ellis, nor has Ellis gone behind Billy's back.
> 
> I hope that clears things up, but feel free to ask me questions if I've failed to explain something!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Mind sharing your opinion?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Mind sharing if it's shit or worth continuing?


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